Santa Baby, Please Bring Me Another Cunt Coloring Book!

So, the other night I was driving down the road minding my own business, when I saw my turn coming up. In my usual safe, perfect-driving-record-for-25-years-and-counting fashion, I put on my signal and began gradually slowing down to make a right turn.


As I turned, I heard someone yell loudly: "Fucking CUNT!!!" I turned to see where the sound was coming from, and saw one of those motorcycle yuppies... you know the type, they get on their motorcycles when they feel the need to pretend like they are something other than a sniveling, whiny, middle-aged adolescent? Turns out, he was yelling at ME and flipping me off, although the only thing I can think of that I might have done to piss him off was own and drive a mini-van that he probably didn't notice was slowing down in front of him because he had been too busy looking to his left and behind him to see if any women 20 years his junior were checking out his very desperate attempt to look bad-ass.


Of course, I realized that his screams of profanity were designed to shock and insult me, but what this loser clearly didn't realize is that he was addressing a woman who happens to have owned a Cunt Coloring Book in the past decade.

So, not only was I not shocked at the fact that such a man-child had screamed such a word in a feeble attempt to shock me in the only show of power he could muster, I wasn't even offended.


It is also worth noting that the truly bad-ass motorcycle dudes that I know would never behave in such a trashy manner... unless their girlfriend was into that sort of thing, of course.


Penn Jillette and his partner, Teller, have addressed the issue of profanity and how absolutely ridiculous it is for us to get offended by certain sounds that people emit from their mouths in their former show on Showtime: "Bullshit!" I happen to agree with their position.


What's more, is that Penn and I have a mutual acquaintance who is a very talented artist, and derives great artistic pleasure from painting beautiful works of art depicting famous women's - well... CUNTS.


As a matter of fact, she and I used to jokingly address one another as "cunts" in order to express our mutual embracing of the word which refers to one of the most amazing parts of a woman's body EVER. I mean, come ON! This is where we feel some of the most intense pleasure as women... (guys tend to feel a lot of pleasure at the same location, interestingly enough). It is where life emerges from a woman's body. It is one of the most life-affirming, pleasurable inventions of nature, so why should anyone shouting a word that refers to it be shocking or offensive? I refuse to allow anyone to hijack a word that represents something so wonderful and use it to insult me.


If your intent is to insult me, maybe try using a different word that doesn't represent something that I have and which I view as quite amazing.


Sadly, The Cunt Coloring Book is out of print, and a used one goes for around $70 or so on Amazon. Maybe I'll make one of my own... or better yet, maybe I can get one from Santa Clause! (The one from "Bad Santa", of course.)


 :-)


A.