My Big Fat Non-Greek Non-Fat Future Grandmother's Wedding

Just a little over 24 hours after learning of my best friend's mother's death (who was also my friend), my grandfather called from MA to tell me that my future step-grandmother was having surgery here in Tennessee to clear an obstruction in her small intestine.


She ended up not having surgery yet, because her sodium levels were too low. We're hoping she'll be able to have surgery by Monday so that she will hopefully be able to recover in time to go to MA for her wedding next month.


While my grandfather and I were on the phone, he talked to me for the first time about how deep his feelings are for his soon-to-be bride. I suppose I had a picture in my mind of a sweet love between two lifelong friends born of mutual loneliness and a desire for companionship. Oh, but was I ever wrong!!!


The love these two share turns out not to be that type of love at all. My grandfather's voice now exudes the energy of pure joy that only a combination of infatuation, true love, and a bit of lust mixed in can bring. He talked about how they've known one another for 38 years, her and her late husband and he and my late grandmother enjoying games of bridge and conversations full of insightful debate. He says she has taught him so many things over the years, despite the fact that she is 15 years younger than he, and that he was so lonely after my grandmother died and how grateful he is to have her in his life now. It was clear to me that this man is deeply in love with his future bride.


Nothing, however, could have prepared me for what I encountered when I arrived at the hospital to check on my future step-grandmother.


I sat down, intending to stay for only a few minutes. More than two hours later, I finally left as she was about to fall asleep from the sedative they'd given her, but not before I had heard two hours worth of the most heartwarming love story ever. And lots of gushing...


This woman is every bit as much in love with my grandfather as he is with her. She spoke of the awkwardness they experienced after beginning to get reacquainted. My grandparents moved to MA when my grandmother developed dementia. Jean and my grandfather hadn't spoken a lot and had drifted a bit over the past decade due to the distance between them, but when her husband died two months after my grandmother's death and my grandfather called with his condolences, she said she felt something stir within her.


My grandfather apparently has had designs on Jean for a while, perhaps since the day he met her 38 years ago, but definitely he has had a flame burning for her since last year. He didn't think she would be interested in a man one-and-a-half decades older than she, but it turns out that love doesn't really consider age differences.


My grandfather made many attempts to get closer to her, even inviting her to Florida in February. (She said no, although she now says if she'd known then what she knows now, she would have gone in a heartbeat.)


In April, he stopped by on his way back to MA and she and he and some other friends spent some time together. It wasn't until it was time to take her home that the two would-be love birds were alone together for the first time. It didn't go well.


It was awkward. She was concerned about him finding his way back on unfamiliar roads in the dark, and she told him that he needn't walk her to the door, that she was capable of finding her way into her house on her own. He mistook this for rudeness and a clear signal that she was NOT interested. She felt empty and disappointed after he left.


It turns out that these two share the same birthday, (different years, of course). He invited her to come up to MA in May for his birthday party, but she wasn't able to make it.


By then, they had both been nurturing a flame in their hearts for one another, but hadn't yet found the right kindling to set up camp and start the eternal flame burning.


Finally, Jean invited my grandfather to come and visit her here in TN. He said he'd like to, but he didn't have a place to stay. (Of course, he could have stayed with friends, but that's beside the point.)


It wasn't until she (and he) heard the words "You can stay with me." come out of her mouth that the love erupted from a persistent spark to a lit candle. My grandfather said he almost fell off the chair when she said that, and she couldn't quite believe she said it herself!


He called her the next day and said he had his plane ticket. She asked him how he managed to make arrangements for the trip so quickly. He said his son (my uncle) had taken care of it. Yes, he answered, his son was fine with him going to visit Jean.


On June 5, 2010, Jean picked my grandfather up from the airport. He had intended to stay a week. He ended up staying two.


By the end of his two-week long visit, the two were engaged.


Although the couple had originally planned to have a simple wedding, my grandfather seems to have turned into quite the wedding planner, calling to find out what color his bride's dress is so he can have the baker at the retirement home make a cake with flowers to match her dress. The retirement home is hosting the entire event, and it sounds like there will be quite a feast, including stuffed mushrooms and fried oysters (my grandfather's favorite).


Jean said she felt bad that he was doing all of the work. "Usually, it's the bride that does all of that." she said. My grandfather told her, "All you have to do is show up."


I have NEVER seen my grandfather so excited in all of my almost 41 years. Jean is just as excited, bubbling with joy and talking about how she just loves to hear his voice and pausing for a moment to say "Oh! I could just squeeze him to pieces!"


Wow.


What's more, Jean is the grandmother I always wanted. My own grandmother was somewhat of a jealous type, and seemed to view me as a competitor for the attention she was used to getting when I came along. I never quite felt that I measured up, being a bit of a tomboy and not the ballerina daughter my grandmother had always wanted. Now she had a granddaughter, and even that didn't turn out the way she'd hoped.


More than once, Jean told me how pretty I looked and how special she thought I was. Even if she was just saying it to be nice and make me feel good, it meant more to me than she will ever know. I honestly can't remember my late grandmother ever telling me those things.


I told Jean that I have wondered over the past few weeks what it might have been like to have her for a grandmother growing up, but that I'm glad I'm going to have her as my grandmother now. We've even figured out what I will call her. (Grandma Gee-Gee.)


I welcomed her to the family, and she clearly is as happy to have me as a granddaughter as I am to have her as a grandmother. I'm not going to bother with the whole "step-grandmother" thing, because she's more of a grandmother to me than I've ever had.


My mother's mother died when my mother was two, so neither of us knew her. I had a step-grandmother that I thought was really cool, but she lived in Indiana and I only saw her during the summer. When my maternal grandfather died (I was 8 then), we pretty much drifted apart.


Right before I left the hospital last night, and as she was getting drowsy from her medication, she said to me in her soft-spoken yet determined voice "We're going to be a FAMILY, and we're going to be SOLID."


I've always heard that sometimes the best things come later in life, but I never thought I'd have the unexpected pleasure of a grandmother that made me feel so genuinely loved and whom I felt so comfortable being around when I was 40.


And the best part? She'll love me whether I wear a dress to the wedding, or whether I show up in blue jeans. What could be better than that?


A.